Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Back to main LGBT Website -> Leeds Uni LGBT Forum -> LGBT Politics -> Why Can't I Own Canadians As Slaves?
Post Info TOPIC: Why Can't I Own Canadians As Slaves?
nonto


One foot out of Narnia

Status: Offline
Posts: 16
Date:
Why Can't I Own Canadians As Slaves?
Permalink   

Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that as an observant Orthodox Jew, she holds homosexuality as an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned in any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the internet........

Dear Dr.Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate . I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

d) Lev.25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring mations. A friend of mine claimed that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev.11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the alter of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room there?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev.11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting 2 different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of 2 different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? Lev.20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

__________________
consider my suspicion lets see if my intuition has any volition cuz im on a mission its bitchin its bitchin its bitchin its bitchin
AlbyFC


You best sima!

Status: Offline
Posts: 870
Date:
Permalink   

God, Nonto, that was hilarious! I'm translating it for my mum.

__________________
'I've discovered the secret of life. A lot of hard work, a lot of sense of humor, a lot of joy and a whole lot of tra la la.' Kay Thompson
thaidave


Not Thai Dave

Status: Offline
Posts: 910
Date:
Permalink   

Hehehe - Leviticus really was "God getting it all off his chest" wasn't it?

__________________
Lesbos or bust.... can we go all the way?
NickyDyke85


YouCanaeSmokeNayHashOn'Ere!

Status: Offline
Posts: 3201
Date:
Permalink   

is quite funny :o) thought the bibble wer bout lovin ur neighbour n stuff

__________________

Nic - Union Council LGBT Assembly Chair

Contact me at - lgbt.assembly@leeds.ac.uk / nicturner_85@hotmail.com

Xylophone Buggery!
steven


Forum Addict

Status: Offline
Posts: 129
Date:
Permalink   


NickyDyke85 wrote:
thought the bibble wer bout lovin ur neighbour n stuff


The bibble? You sound almost like Dubya there, it's pretty scary!
The Bible is what you make it. It can be interpreted to mean whatever you want it to. I dare say that animal buggery, human sacrifice and Keith Chegwin could all be justified in the bible somewhere. Well, maybe not Cheggers.
One's understanding of the Bible comes from the viewpoint of the observer. And how insane one is helps as well.

Steven. xxx

__________________
CRAP? WHAT D'YA MEAN IT'S CRAP? THERES EIGHT BODIES AT THE END AND HE GETS TO SHAG HIS MUM!!
JohnK


Pieces of me you've never seen

Status: Offline
Posts: 1600
Date:
Permalink   

Whilst that was a humourous jaunt, most Chrisitians disregard Leviticus now and tend to cite the letters of St Paul in their criticism of the 'HoMA-Sexual lifestyle'.

Has anyone else noticed that you can always spot a homophobic politician by the way they say homosexual? It's as if they can't even bring themselves to say it - Ho-ma-sexual?

Do the say ho-ma-erectus too?



__________________
Johnk

The only freedom that you’ll ever really know
Is written in books from long ago
inlowercase


I caught you a delicious bass.

Status: Offline
Posts: 651
Date:
Permalink   

I find this funny too john as most people pronounce homosexual incorrectly. They insist on saying homo as in ho-mo like you would say homosapiens meaning man or homo erectus (he he) but the word homosexual actually comes from the Greek word homo meaning the same as in homogenous which is pronounced differently (like bono from U2).

__________________
don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
JesusBitch


Forum Addict

Status: Offline
Posts: 105
Date:
Permalink   

I bloody love Leviticus, its one of the best books in the Bible for a quick laugh with your mates. I particularly enjoy the one about not cumming while on horseback and not streaking in front of your mother, damn I was so looking forward to that one, lol. My favorrite book in the Bible though is the rather naughty "Songs of Songs, supposedly written by King Solomon, where their is some lovely imagery:

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.
3 Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee. 4 Draw me, we will run after thee: the king hath brought me into his chambers: we will be glad and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee.

Ignoring popular opinion the Bible can be very sexy in places, just look at David and Jonathan, come on, they were more than just good friends, lol The Bible is full of dubious remarks, there is even the occasational man on man snog if you look closely. What coo for the Christian conservatives!

-- Edited by JesusBitch at 22:28, 2005-08-27

__________________
BJ WOOD
ChipsAndLube


Bertha, lovely Bertha, you are a lovely machine.

Status: Offline
Posts: 1490
Date:
Permalink   

i love the daily mail columnist standard (DMCS) pronunciation: 'hommersexshul'. has that been picked up off the yanks?

another pet hate of mine is 'gays and lesbians'. gay is no more a noun than is homosexual.

__________________
burn down our home, RAPE OUR DEAD MOUTHS. Just as long as I don't have to hear anymore of your disgusting babble
NickyDyke85


YouCanaeSmokeNayHashOn'Ere!

Status: Offline
Posts: 3201
Date:
Permalink   

aint keen on the term "gays and lesbians" takes far 2 long 2 say n is kinda old fashioned... however i do like "puffs n dykes" is short n sweet dont ya think?

__________________

Nic - Union Council LGBT Assembly Chair

Contact me at - lgbt.assembly@leeds.ac.uk / nicturner_85@hotmail.com

Xylophone Buggery!
JohnK


Pieces of me you've never seen

Status: Offline
Posts: 1600
Date:
Permalink   

I think he means that it should be gay men and lesbians, as 'gay' isn't really a noun - is that correct Dave? You know how poor my grammar is!!!

JOHN x



__________________
Johnk

The only freedom that you’ll ever really know
Is written in books from long ago
PatrickT


Forum Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 174
Date:
Permalink   

I don't know if you guys knew this but this letter, penned YEARS ago, spawned a passage in the super-duper amazing fabulous TV show The West Wing:
West Wing Continuity guide


President Bartlet (Martin Sheen) to radio talkshow host: I like how you call homosexuality an abombination.
Jenna Jacobs (sitting): I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President, the Bible does.

President Bartlet: Yes, it does. Leviticus.

Jenna Jacobs: 18:22.

President Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I have you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophmore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's really important because we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? "Think about that, will you? Oh, and one last thing. You may have mistaken this for your meeting of the ignorant tight-asses club but in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.

The letter also got huge coverage in US newspapers.

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Back to main LGBT Website -> Leeds Uni LGBT Forum -> LGBT Politics -> Why Can't I Own Canadians As Slaves?
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard