love this quotation

"As a general trend, the new gay Yalie dresses, talks and acts no differently than his straight peers. On a day-to-day basis, "it's as if they're straight," says John. "They don't need to do anything to assert their identity." Guillen agrees: "You almost feel like you're in England, where you can't tell who's gay and who's not." "

I must admit that in North America we British astounded them last year, in the clubs guy's would be dancing sexily (not sexually) with other guys and while we thought nothing of it as we knew it was innocent (as in not going anywhere either one person was straight or they both were) but the amount of stares we used to get.

The second article provides food for thought.

"Now a subtler form of discrimination has risen to take its place. This discrimination does not aim at groups as a whole. Rather, it aims at the subset of the group that refuses to cover, that is, to assimilate to dominant norms. And for the most part, existing civil rights laws do not protect individuals against such covering demands. The question of our time is whether we should understand this new discrimination to be a harm and, if so, whether the remedy is legal or social in nature."

“The demand to cover is anything but trivial. It is the symbolic heartland of inequality - what reassures one group of its superiority to another. When dominant groups ask subordinated groups to cover, they are asking them to be small in the world, to forgo prerogatives that the dominant group has and therefore to forgo equality.”

“Contemporary civil rights has erred in focusing solely on traditional civil rights groups - racial minorities, women, gays, religious minorities and people with disabilities. This assumes those in the so-called mainstream - those straight white men - do not also cover. They are understood only as obstacles, as people who prevent others from expressing themselves, rather than as individuals who are themselves struggling for self-definition. No wonder they often respond to civil rights advocates with hostility. They experience us as asking for an entitlement they themselves have been refused - an expression of their full humanity.”

The idea of covering as I understand it is not to rock the boat to accept the status quo and basically don’t ask don’t tell. Whilst I have nothing against an integrated society and will actually fight for one I do have something against subsuming your identity to conform. Although I believe that being gay is only part of the wonderful complex mix that makes me me it still needs expression. Although I don’t enjoy the scene much, I want to be able to bring my partner (if I had one) to a work function, to be intimate in public – like any other couple in love (holding hands, kiss). I also don’t see why my sexuality should affect my prospects at work or access to public services. If you think that only 40 years ago homosexuality was illegal in Britain and that we can now get legal recognition for our relationships and that equality in goods and services is also hopefully going to be introduced. Its amazing how far we have come but these rights have come through people standing up and saying this is who I am, I believe in ‘the love that dares not speak its name’. Acceptance into society does mean that we lose one of our major unifying factors in such a diverse community as ours, the obvious oppression bound us together as it gave us something to be opposed to. And without that we fracture into our own little groups, bears, twinks, gay, lesbian, butch, femme, trans, bi.

Be integrated but be proud

Paul

I bring this up, perhaps in the wrong section of the forum, I don't know, because I think it's interesting. I thinka lot of the time we, and I include myself very notably here, conciously and subconciously moderate behaviour in order to blend in with the norm. The idea of not rocking the boat may range from a perceived (un)acceptability of holding hands in public, not boldy wearing pink triangles and rainbow flags, to constantly going out with straight friends because it's 'what everyone's doing' even though you yourself get nothing out of it...

I've done all of this at some point or other in the past, especially my last point about going clubbing and so forth. I used to go out with mates from my halls all the time because I usually had a good time with them and they're fun. But ultimately it's fruitless. When you're getting put upon to sort out turblent relationships and drunken girls in Creation, you're not meeting that guy (or girl) that you really are going out to discover. I was trying to say, being gay is such a small part of me that it hardly needs attention; it'll sort itself out. But it won't.

I think it's interesting how without political awareness even places like Stanford (just south of San Francisco) and Yale (in largely liberal New England) can become intolerant again. And this links to my favorite personal diatribe. I really hate the word tolerance. It's something that shows up in these two pieces because by 'covering' people encourage tolerance or their personality/lifestyle/sexuality because it's not an issue. Nobody complains. But by being really 'out there' and bold with a high profile you encourage acceptance, a realisation by society in general that other people are ok. When polticians say they want a tolerant society I cringe because it makes me think that underneath all there is is a lot of fuming and disrespect; it's through acceptance that you build a community.

For what it's worth, I try not to 'cover' now, but it's a concious effort. If you're walking past Weatherspoons pub and it's closing time and the drunk 'lads' are out in force, it takes courage to hold hands as you strut down the street!

here here!

I sometimes background as well, if I get the sense that I am in a dangerous situation...but then that´s just survival right?

patrickT, proughan, i think you both just about summed it up

well done!

sash
xxx

lol good for you, and agree about the straight-acting stuff. funnily enough, i always get the "but you can´t be!" when i say i am. go figure.

i have to say, I AM afraid, if i´m being threatened with a knife for it...

sasha
xxx