Good luck with your search for answers. If you want to 'chat' to someone that you're unlikely to meet for a while and can just be a disembodied internet voice, my contact details are on my profile page. Get in touch. I'm away from the UK for the year on an international exchange so can be completely impartial!
the best advice I can think to give you is to try to let your natural feelings come through. you don't have to commit yourself to any sexuality, all thats really important is that you feel comfortable within yourself.
coffee hour is a good place to start socially with this group, which is 12-2pm everyday in the arc, starting on the 22nd
try before you buy! dunno test the water like n see if its 4u or not... things kinda come abit clearer after that
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Nic // LGBT Society Events Officer 05/06 // LGBT Assembly Chair 05/06 - NUS LGBT Society of the year 2006(winners) //
LUU honarary life member - Awarded 2006 // LGBT Assembly Mentor 2006 -Onwards.
Contact me at nicturner_85@hotmail.com
I think I'd agree with what's been said, don't rush in to labelling yourself as anything.. wait and see what you feel most comfortable with.. you'll find that once one things comes out there's a whole whirlwind of things to discover and find out etc... just take your own pace, and don't be too stressed by the whole thing, it'll come in time! x
yeah, it can be confusing at first, you think that you may be gay/lesbian/bi, or even know it but when it comes to doing anything about it you'll probably think "am i really? could i really do 'that'?" best thing to do is talk to others who've been through it, as you are doing, bloody nerve-wracking though it might be, especially going out and meeting people, but it sure as hell is exciting sorting it out. and if you're like me, once you've dipped your toe in the water, you'll never go back to the immensely boring, tedious and dull life that a straight human being presumably leads;) and by the way, if you find your first someone to have a "relationship" with, it probably won't work out as you deal with all the hellish emotions associated with it, but of course it's all good practice for the future
I cant but agree with you.But, i mean, my question is wider: is there a way to know who one is sexually?I really would need a final answers. I m not talking in abstract, I ve been in a lesbian relationship for almost 18 months.and it s great for me!but I ve also had boyfriends in my past. That s why I d like to know if I am gay or not.because if ,unfortunately, this relationship one day would finish, I really cant imagine who i ll be looking for, sexually.
Oh, I'm understanding a little better, after reading your post for the third time... hehe anyway, if you were to come out of the relationship, is it necessary to define who you would be looking for? I'd just see what happens and who comes along?! i dunnno im jsut avoiding work although my exam is in 9 hours and 25 minutes
I don't think there is a straight answer to be honest ! Although many may say that they are a particular sexuality it doesn't mean they won't change there preference later on in life. Personally i identify as gay but i'm not saying that i won't have a relationship with a man when i grow up! lol. Labels are just words at the end of the day so don't worry about definition. If if you do define you can always change its not like you sign a contract to be gay/ bi/ lesbian/ trans or whatever sexuality you place yourself in.
on a personal note i don't think love is a gender preference but a personality preference. If that makes sense! like women tend to have a different personality to men !
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Hello! could put something witty but i can't think of one!
Mackie wrote: on a personal note i don't think love is a gender preference but a personality preference. If that makes sense! like women tend to have a different personality to men !
That is so true!
Personally I say I'm bi because I never know from one day to the next whether I'll be into girls or guys more! I'm actually rarely "bi" I'm normally "gay" or "straight" if you know what I mean???
Don't stress it. Just go out with who you like regardless of gender or what-not!
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"I can resist everything but temptation" - Oscar Wilde
if you're going out with a girl at the moment, koko, there's no way of knowing what you're sexuality would be like if you weren't. when i went out with my 1st boyfriend, i had no interest in anyone else at all, and indeed he was why i came out really, so i didn't know what it'd be like when i had to unfortunately end it. sure enough though, after not having him around for a while i started lusting after most men on campus, where as before there had been very very few men who i liked, and some women, too. these days though, i'm definitely gay, and doubt i'd waste my time with women (beyond friends, of course). who knows, maybe i'll change again some day but who cares anyway, at least there are plenty of people who turn me on. it's just trying to find someone to have a passionate love affair with too thats the problem
Thanks-I think you are right. I mean, i m not obsessed by this gender question, at all. I t is only that im quite a straight person and not having an idea of me, completely, it just leaves me a bit confused.I m not going to stress me because of it but..this is something i d like to solve.
i am not equally turned on by men and women, except my girlfriend of course!.maybe it depends on the mood..dont know.
but if i should consider now, this moment, my relationship with a girl,could I say that now i m lesbian?or whatelse?
thats a good point. because when I tell someone that i ve a girlfriend ,they start asking me if i m lesbian and why and other silly questions. the funniest thing is that the my answer is mainly misunderstood.when i say " i dont know", people usually stop talking about that or ,that is worst, start asking me very embarassing things.has it never happened to you?i feel so silly with my " i dont know".
Mackie wrote: I don't think there is a straight answer to be honest ! Although many may say that they are a particular sexuality it doesn't mean they won't change there preference later on in life. Personally i identify as gay but i'm not saying that i won't have a relationship with a man when i grow up! lol. Labels are just words at the end of the day so don't worry about definition. If if you do define you can always change its not like you sign a contract to be gay/ bi/ lesbian/ trans or whatever sexuality you place yourself in.
on a personal note i don't think love is a gender preference but a personality preference. If that makes sense! like women tend to have a different personality to men !
i i like your theory! sure i m not signing a contract promising that ill be always be lesbian or anything else. i agree with your last statement,love is a gender preference and so on. but that maybe imply a sexual freedom that i m not sure everybody can( or simply) have. by the way,thanks
Laura wrote: but i suppose thats abstract can there ever be a 'straight' answer?! in a lesbian relationship, there must be some gay in there!
oh dear im going to shut up now xx
no, probably there isnt a straight answer but the fact itself of looking for it helps,in my view. and i cannot but agree with you about my relationship.maybe it s this possibility of being definetely gay that makes me look for a sort of sexual clarification,considered that i was mainly interested in boys before . xx
koko wrote:when I tell someone that i ve a girlfriend ,they start asking me if i m lesbian and why and other silly questions. the funniest thing is that the my answer is mainly misunderstood.when i say " i dont know", people usually stop talking about that or ,that is worst, start asking me very embarassing things.has it never happened to you?i feel so silly with my " i dont know".
yeah it can be a bit annoying when you get questions like that. these days i only talk about my "gayness" to other gay people (and not all of them either) when they don't ask such stupid questions. i reckon a lot of straight people are uncomfortable about it if it comes up, so maybe just ask stupid questions as something to say. i've got long term friends who don't know - with some people you can tell they're gay, but i don't seem it to others. though i have some good answers to the "are you gay" question: "only if there's a hot guy around", "most of the time, but sometimes i'm not", or you could start eyeing them up if you've got the nerve (that's a fun one- trust me:) ), or even if they really annoy you "not when people like you are around". you needn't feel silly with "i don't know", just remember you don't have to tell them the truth. or you could do what i do and keep seperate parts of your life secret.
just call urself open minded and have fun with it :o)
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Nic // LGBT Society Events Officer 05/06 // LGBT Assembly Chair 05/06 - NUS LGBT Society of the year 2006(winners) //
LUU honarary life member - Awarded 2006 // LGBT Assembly Mentor 2006 -Onwards.
Contact me at nicturner_85@hotmail.com
