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Post Info TOPIC: Coming Out


One foot out of Narnia

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avoiding; medieval literature 2 Poetry 1

Aww, what'd ya do to your leg?

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YouCanaeSmokeNayHashOn'Ere!

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my m8 jumped me at cash machine

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Gay Lord

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My mum actually laughed when I told her and said I was too young to know that (I was 15). She's never talked about it since then, except in an argument a few months ago when some really nasty things were said on both sides. It's strange, I really thought she'd be cooler about it than she has been.

My stepdad on the other hand has never been anything but fantastic about it. He's always listened whenever I wanted to talk about anything at all, being gay included, and it's been his help that's made me who I am now. Ahhh....

As for coming out at school I think everyone else knew before I even told them. I never really had any trouble with bullies and if I did I told them they could f*** off cos I hate feeling like a victim...

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Big Gay Al

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I was in demial until my 2nd year. when my dad got relly ill with dipression just thought if keep it locked inside i'll be miserable for life.
my mum and dad where upset but itsbeen nearly a year since I told them, but we never really talk about it. They aren't keen to.
They still aint met my fella and we've nearly been together a year!!

My sister who is now 23 hates it and we'velost touch it's really sad, we use toget on well and I thought she wouldhelp me :o(

My mates where amazin. I have group of complete blocky scousers who are well funny. they love it cause its someone elde to rip the piss out of! They are brill and love gay spotting as long as I women spot and pick out new clothes for them (how cleche!)


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I'm a bit confused and a bit scared right now. You guys have probably seen this before- but I dont know if I'm bi or lesbian. I really have no clue. I considered joining the LBGT today, but bottled out. I guess I'm scared of joining, and not hooking up with someone and people thinking I'm lying or looking for attention. I wish there was some sort of test I could take that tells me what I am. I really dont know at this stage....
Any advice?
My name is Hannah btw.

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*Censored*

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Hey Hannah it doesn't really matter if you're bi or lesbian (or even straight!), at least not at the moment. You should come to Thursday's coffee hour, me and phil run it and it's always dead for the first hour, so you won't have many new people to meet. Don't feel too pressured into joining either if you don't want to. Just come along and meet some people and have tea made for you! Hopefully see you on Thursday, or any other coffee hour (mine and phil's is the best though )

Rich x

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Butter Me Up!

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richardyoung71 wrote:

Hey Hannah it doesn't really matter if you're bi or lesbian (or even straight!), at least not at the moment.



He's right! You don't have to declare your sexuality to anyone unless you want to. It's nobody else's business what your sexuality is. Nobody will think you're lying or looking for attention if you don't hook up with someone, as most of us will be able to relate to the initial 'am I, aren't I, what the hell am I?' confusion, and please remember that there's no rush to come out. I doubt any of us discover and define our sexualities overnight.

Okay, I'm not that great at waffling, but I would concur with Rich that you drop into a coffee hour. If dropping into a Coffee Hour sounds a little too daunting (it seems like we all know each other, simply because we're a social and close-knit society, but give it time and you'll know a lot of familiar faces) why not email luu.lgbt@leeds.ac.uk and arrange to meet up with a committee member to discuss things?

Honestly, I hope you have the courage to join the LGBT and meet a few of us. I know it's scary and I know you're probably very nervous, but even chatting to a couple of LGBT people can be a huge help.

Alice x

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You best sima!

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Ditto to all Rich and Alice have said... but I'd like to add I'm running Coffee Hour with Joe on Fridays. It's not as busy as it used to be (blame Mission), so feel free to drop anytime! Who knows! Maybe you'll like Coffee Hour when it's busy.

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*Censored*

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richardyoung71 wrote:

Hey Hannah it doesn't really matter if you're bi or lesbian (or even straight!), at least not at the moment. You should come to Thursday's coffee hour, me and phil run it and it's always dead for the first hour, so you won't have many new people to meet. Don't feel too pressured into joining either if you don't want to. Just come along and meet some people and have tea made for you! Hopefully see you on Thursday, or any other coffee hour (mine and phil's is the best though )

Rich x




Oh please. Tuesdays are the new Thursdays darling.

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je suis perdu.

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Hey Hannah

I had only come out last year on my year abroad and knew no-one (or thought I knew no-one) back in leeds. My first coffee hour I was incredibly scared, petrified would be closer to the term but I plucked up the courage and went in. I met a roomfull of extremely nice people and I realised that I had nothing to fear after all. Though I haven't been to many events or even coffee hours I still feel blessed by the friendliness of people in the society. It always takes courage to make the first step and the step after that but if we don't step out of our comfort zone we will never grow. And don't worry the society is open to all students regardless of personal sexuality (it says so in the constitution) so come along and speak to people at the very least you will meet some of the best people on campus.

PS fivers in the post please

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Anonymous

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Hey Hannah
well as these have all said coffee hour is a great way to meet people, and your sexuality will b by no means discussed, its supposed to be a place to feel comfortable.
AS someone ( i cnt remember who) said you could met with a committee member first who will be happy to help if it seems too much of a daunting prospect! as was said the society email is luu.lgbt@leeds.ac.uk. i or any of the other committee member would be glad to help so jus gget in contact an u will recieve a reply asap!

anyway. ive sat here way too long...

Laura xx (stupid uni comps rly do annoy, cant sign in)

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Anonymous

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Hey you guys, its Hannah again. Thanks for being so welcoming, I feel better now. Yeah I'll drop in and say hi, only I cant this thursday or friday as I'm going home to my parents for a few days. But next week would be fun to come- hear I get free coffee at least!
Well you guys have made me feel much better about myself- still have no idea what I am right now but I guess I can have some time to decide for myself.
Hannah x

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Anonymous

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Well, to start with i think it was the second year of 6th form and i told a friend i thought i could trust. he said he was fine with it and he wouldn't tell anyone. well he wasn't fine with it, he stopped talking to me, and told other people and it spread, lol.

that wasn't the worst bit though, it was my parents turn. my friend which i knew from birth had kept meeting this guy from the net (gaydar is a bad bad influence), it was going well for him to begin with but then the guy he met went a bit wierd and caused some damage to his house. my friends parents were away on holiday at the time, and he wanted me to come and sleep over so i could over-look the work guys who were gonna fix the damage as he had to go to work. well, that night his house got broken into and his dads car (big expensive honda jeepy thingymebob) got stolen. recently my friend had lost his house key, but he lost it on the inside of the house somewhere. there was no signs at all of forced entry and the breaker-in-ers had come through this door that he had lost the key for and which was locked. and strangely enough they knew exactly where his dads car keys were, so obviously it had been the guy he had been meeting that had turned psyco! anyway, my friend called the police and blah blah blah and when his parents came home he knew he had to tell them the truth cos it had just gone a bit too far. so he told his dad that he'd been meeting a guy and stuff and so his dad asked if i were gay. my friend said yes, so his dad rang up and told my dad! how nice of him, lol.

when i heard the phone ring i knew what had happened. so my parents came in and sat me down for a 'talk'. they asked if i had owt that i wanted to tell them so i said no. so my dad said he'd be blunt and asked if i was gay, so i said yes, lol. they asked if it was just a phase or not, and my dad, being silly as he is said that he talks to guys and he doesn't consider himself gay. WTF?! that just don't make sense, lol. so he asked me if i'd slept with a guy (yes, my dad did ask me that, lol). i knew he wouldn't believe that i was gay or not (although i think its pretty obvious), so i told him yes just to shut him up, lol.

anyway, thats the end. they wasn't really ok with it, although they said they were but it was pretty obvious that they weren't. they've got better i suppose, but it still feels like a tabboo subject. my sister is fine with it, and i randomly text my auntie one night and shes great about it.

now, at uni, erm..... i suppose i don't really mind if people know. i'm trying to be myself, and its not just the gay thing thats stopping me, but i'm slowly getting there...

... i think.

p.s. sorry if theres a lot of spelling mistakes, i'm dab at splingle

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Queen of Quips

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anon, abou the outofcontrolbit, i can very much relate...

when i came out at 14 (funnily enough, my mate reminded me a couple of years ago that i came out on april fool´s day: coincidence?) i told a mate, then another mate. then another. then another. i was actually stoopid enough to write out a list of people who knew and assigned every single person a number. i stopped counting after about 36 cos it just got ridiculously out of control, especially over the summer. i got back to school in year 10 and EVERYBODY knew, though of course being on holiday for the summer meant i missed it all, lol.

what can i say, **** happens. unfortunately it happens to some of us more often than to others.

what is it inlowercase has....ahh yes, "stick that up your toga god you big beardy kill-joy!"...or summit...

sash
xxx

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*Censored*

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You could make a film out of that!



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Butter Me Up!

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chemicalfears wrote:

anon, abou the outofcontrolbit, i can very much relate...

when i came out at 14 (funnily enough, my mate reminded me a couple of years ago that i came out on april fool´s day: coincidence?)

sash
xxx




Only you could come out on April Fools day, honey! xx

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Forum Guru

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If it weren't kind of tragic, that story would be hilarious, and yeah it does sound like some sort of Sundance arthouse feel-good movie.

Life's strange.

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Wooaaaaah, if there ever was a forum that i read from begining to end this is the one! Not really my story of coming out, but more like my 'thoughts on coming out'

Coming out kinda hasn't been an option for me tbh, or it at least isn't at the moment and for the forseeable future. Then again, i read everything that you guys have written and everyone seemed to have been so much younger when they realised compared to me. From a young age, i was kinda slotted into the lifestyle of if you wanna be cool, you gotta have a gf and thats one of the main reasons i've always usually had a girl on my arm, two of which were long term and in many ways miss them dearly.

I went out last year on placement and ended up working with Mr Gay (not gonna say the city name). He was a year younger than me, We became really good mates and i never realised he was gay until we got pissed and he came on to me. I think in many ways i always appreciated he was a good looking guy, and being single for the first time in a very long time, i tried it and we started to see more of each other. We're still good friends, but there came a point when he took me out on the scene in the city i was in last year and i think i began to like the attention (which is quite bad i s'pose, but then again it was such a new thing for me) he felt really insecure, and we decided to stop 'doin what we were doin'. Thats when i met a guy i ended up falling for and though we've now split, we still miss each other loads!

So basically, its all pretty new for me- no one knows im gay (out of ppl who know me) and coming from a mixed race family, (dads iranian, moms orthodox catholic) coming out is defo not an option. I know for a fact that my friends are unlikely to react in the ways your friends have, as embarrasing as it is to say, (and i really really am ashamed of this) but the majority of my mates were probably the 'bullies' that some of you talked about, and still are.

I hope to meet other gay people though and kinda 'expand my horizons,'. Not telling people is damn difficult coz i really sometimes wanna, not coz i need to but i hate keeping secrets and although im really happy the way things are going at uni / work / socially, sometimes kinda feel not coming out means im missin out on a lot, but i s'pose thats just life!

So is 'coming out MY future?' Watch this space peeps! ;o)


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Queen of Quips

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hey acer, and well done for talking about it even here. shows that small steps will eventually lead somewhere!

to be honest, I can understand that it´s probably not so possible for you to come out...it would be nice if every gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans person didn´t have to hide who they are, but even i still do it, in certain situations...

i have the advantage of always having known i was gay, from the very beginning (like, 6, when i realised kids my age had little crushes, etc.), but then i think perhaps it made everything a whole lot worse than it could have been, because i ended up not having much of a childhood because of hiding it all the time.

be grateful to yourself because it takes an awful lot of courage to be who you are, whether other people know it or not!

on a side not, i´m sure i´ve seen you floating around the forum for a while now...am i right?

sasha
xxx

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chemicalfears wrote:

hey acer, and well done for talking about it even here. shows that small steps will eventually lead somewhere!

to be honest, I can understand that it´s probably not so possible for you to come out...it would be nice if every gay, lesbian, bisexual or trans person didn´t have to hide who they are, but even i still do it, in certain situations...

i have the advantage of always having known i was gay, from the very beginning (like, 6, when i realised kids my age had little crushes, etc.), but then i think perhaps it made everything a whole lot worse than it could have been, because i ended up not having much of a childhood because of hiding it all the time.

be grateful to yourself because it takes an awful lot of courage to be who you are, whether other people know it or not!

on a side not, i´m sure i´ve seen you floating around the forum for a while now...am i right?

sasha
xxx




Hey Sasha,

Thanks mate, its cool to hear stuff like that now n again! You may have seen one of my 'many' (8) posts on the forum so far!! lol

Who knows, if i end up meetin some of you wkd folk, may even turn up to coffee mornings and stuff, been contemplating it, must admit!

Anywayz.. keep watchin me 'float' around the forum

ACEr

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Queen of Quips

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no probs dude, everyone needs to have their achievements recognised...especially the good ones!

well, just make sure you´re here next year, cos at the moment i´m on a year abroad in germany...there´s been sooooooo much snow here in munich to the point that the entire city´s transport network had to be shutdown!

splasha
xxx

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Butter Me Up!

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acer1983 wrote:

Who knows, if i end up meetin some of you wkd folk, may even turn up to coffee mornings and stuff, been contemplating it, must admit!



I hope you do! Not everyone at Coffee Hour is out, and you'll meet some pretty cool people. It's really not daunting. Just a group of sociable people in a room drinking tea, coffee, hot chocolate and other such drinks and having irreverent chats about all sorts of things.

I'm sure either I or someone else's mentioned it on this thread, but there's no rush to define your sexuality or to come out. Everyone does it at their own pace. In the meantime, float around the forum all you like!

x

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je suis perdu.

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Thought that I would add my story here,

I am a gay christian and it is through my relationship with God that I was able to come to terms with it completely. For a decade I didn't try to reconcile who I am with God as I believed them incompatible. I knew that I didn't like girls but didn't want to admit I liked men. I tried dating but relationships were always deep friendships rather than anything romantic. I was so firmly in the closet that I couldn't see daylight and my only interactions with men were in my head as I could never bring myself to act on my hidded desires. Throughout this time I would have periods where I tried to clean myself from what I perceived as a sin, I would go for prayer, delete images of men off my computer etc. It was as if there were two sides of me that could never be integrated and therefore had to be kept seperate, my feelings for men and my faith.

Last year in Canada it came to a head and I couldn't seperate the 2 anymore as it sending me insane. I broke down completely in my room one night as I couldn't take the strain anymore. I realised that my feelings for men had been going on too long to be phase and that I wouldn't grow out of it as I had hoped for many years.

With this revelation a portion of the bible came to mind the part where Peter was asked to go to a roman centurian and had a dream about 'unclean animals' and that God told him that Nothing he has made is unclean. This is what led Peter to speak to gentiles before Paul did and why christians can eat pork. I believe that I felt God then saying to me, 'I have made you, and as nothing that I have made is unclean, you are not unclean.' I know that some members of the forum are going to disagree with what I believe to be a genuine experience with God but at the end of the day it happened to me.

I had truthfully started to accept who I am and stopped trying to deny it as well. It is a huge difference between living with something and embracing it. By embracing my sexuality I actually gave myself choice and control. Though I immediately felt a huge sense of relief I wasn't about to come out singing and dancing. All in all it took me another 2 months from beginning to accept it myself to me telling anyone apart from a guy I had met online.

I'd gone round to my friends room and was sat there chatting for about an hour and a half with him and his girlfriend. I'd known this guy since I'd started uni and had been friends since day 1. 3 years later we were still incredibly close though when he told me he had a girlfriend it did put a bit of distance between us but soon enough all three of us were friends. Well back from that little aside, after chatting about random stuff for an hour and a half, I told them I had something to say. I'm sorry but I'm gay were the words i think I used pushing through the tears and sobs that sprang from my eyes. They were both really cool, and told me to stop being silly, it didn't matter one iota to them.

Over the next few months I gradually told the people I was closest to in canada and none of them cared in the slightest. In this I have been truly blessed and have not had to deal with some of the things others on this forum have.


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AliceH wrote:


acer1983 wrote:
Who knows, if i end up meetin some of you wkd folk, may even turn up to coffee mornings and stuff, been contemplating it, must admit!


I hope you do! Not everyone at Coffee Hour is out, and you'll meet some pretty cool people. It's really not daunting. Just a group of sociable people in a room drinking tea, coffee, hot chocolate and other such drinks and having irreverent chats about all sorts of things.

I'm sure either I or someone else's mentioned it on this thread, but there's no rush to define your sexuality or to come out. Everyone does it at their own pace. In the meantime, float around the forum all you like!

x




Well, I turned up! brief as it were tho, coz i had to go get my eyes tested (see that wot u sexy folk did to me!)

Seemed like a pretty friendly atmosphere!

-- Edited by acer1983 at 22:59, 2006-03-09

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Big Gay Al

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AliceH wrote:


acer1983 wrote:

I'm sure either I or someone else's mentioned it on this thread, but there's no rush to define your sexuality or to come out. Everyone does it at their own pace. In the meantime, float around the forum all you like!

x




Very true. Whilst i'm very proud of the person i am i dont necessarily feel the need to share that with the world. Quite a few ppl i know dont know about my sexuality, including all of my family, but in the end its ur life not theres and u should only feel the need to tell the people u wan2 tell and shouldnt feel obligated to tell everyone cuz in the end its not rly there business

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Poster

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I have tried twice to write something now, and keep losing it because i press the wrong button, bloody computers. Any way I'll summerise what I had cos I cannot be bothered to write it out a third time
I have come out to my mum and she is fine with it, took it surprisingly well . I haven't told my dad cos I'm not sure how he'll react, and I still need him to be prepared to let me live with him after I graduate. My sister is bi, so she is ok, we didn't know we both were until she told my mum too.
I am relieved to know I'n not the only one confused about being bi or lesbian, I change my mind from day to day so am resigned to being confused for now.

My friends were all ok appart from one who is a hippocrit, because she has kissed more girls than I have. She says she doesn't believe in it, but is prepared to take the moral high ground about things like abortion, or sex before marriage. huh
I am really glad I joined the lgbt, have made load of friends and only wish i'd joined sooner. its my last year!

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Ok the back story. I was in primary school when i noticed i wasnt like all the other kids and this continued as i went on to high school at lawnswood high one of the roughest schools in leeds. It was a really hard time i came to terms with myself and was bullied like crazy for it and at one point a lad form my art class slashed me with a lino cutter I went home and dressed it I was shaken but luckily I bounced back i learned to stand up for myself i wasnt affraid of them and that showed

Ii moved on in life determind to leave all the crap behind me. I started going out with friends to gay bars at 16 we would sit in base thinking how grown up we were i remember when i walked in and the first sone i heard was a remix of i got the key lol. i left school went to work in the hospital as a Nursing Cadet so that i could get into uni now i was 17 and one day after work my mum just up and asked me she said she had known for ages and that it didnt change a thing i told all my family after that and all of then laughed said they knwe and wanted to know what took me so long.

I was lucky my family care about me a great deal my mum sisters and even my step dad will go out to gay bars with me now as embarasing as they are i love them xxx chris xxx

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Queen of Quips

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chris, all I can say is - WELL DONE.

btw, you´re on facebook aren´t you? yeeeeeees, i´m sure I´ve seen you floating about... o_O

sash
x

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Butter Me Up!

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Littlelatvian wrote:

I was lucky my family care about me a great deal my mum sisters and even my step dad will go out to gay bars with me now as embarasing as they are i love them xxx chris xxx



Aw, bless. That's really nice to know. I'm so glad you bounced back from all the people who tried to knock you down about your sexuality.

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Guru of the Gay

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Rite I thought it was time I put my coming out story up here as it fascinates me, how people come out and what there reactions are

I was 14 when I first came out! I was big geek at school unlike now. Me and my friends would sit in a class room to eat our lunch. The conversation came up of boys and who everyone fancied. I never fancied any boys at school and didn’t really think of it. I said to them I think I might be a lesbian they all laughed and said shut up your messing. After that I always had a keen interest in all things same sex! But I didn’t think I like girls at this point.

I left school and went to a separate 6th form which was very liberal for a catholic collage being gay was just a thing no one cared. The ‘gays’ at collage hung around together but I didn’t I stayed with my male obsessed friends and ended up with a boyfriend for most of collage. Although I got referred to a lesbian by the ‘gays’ which I didn’t really like because I was generally confused.

It was towards the end of 6ht form and a work friend and I started to go to gay bars although neither of us was out it was just fun. We made loads of friend sand became so comfortable with the lifestyle. She came out first and nothing changed. I liked this because she got to know my friends and they accepted her so well. Now was my time most of friends where like Gemma why are bothering to tell us we know! I got some funny comments but nothing totally negative. Only one person hurt me and if she wasn’t so close I think I may have fallen out with her. I have a life long friend Paula, her response was “just don’t come onto me”, this really upset me, we had done everything all through life together. She’s fine with me now, talks to me bout boys all the time I think she forgets. But a comment made by a friend the other day reminded me I never changed when I came out, he called me a ‘transfigurer’ and said I never changed my personality when I came out just my hair! I did get my hair cut to make a statement.

My parents where fine. My mum said from an early age I don’t care what my children are. At 15 asked me why I didn’t have boyfriend. I frequently got asked questions like Gemma are you gay or confused? I would always reply with NO. Until one night I just said yes I’m confused but I don’t want to talk to you about it. Which I think was harsh but I needed to be ready. Then once again me and mum where sat talking and she implied I was hiding things from her. So I told her. All she said was as long as you’re sure and know your life may be harder. I never told my dad but he knows refers to girlfriends as that girl I’m knocking about with ! which I don’t mind. My brother shouts dirty lesbian all over the house. He even came onto a girlfriend once bless him!

Sorry for the longness x


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Big Gay Al

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Thought I might as well add mine.

I didn't come out till i came to uni. At home whenever i was with someone i kept it a secret even from my closest friends. At uni i met a bi girl in my halls who happened to be going out with someone who i was quite close to and i decided to tell them around october of the first term. When i realised people would be fine with it I decided to come out to the ppl i wanted to know - i.e. my close friends - using the magical medium of msn and also came out to ppl in halls. They were all pretty shocked actually, with the exception of my best friend who i've known since i was 7. He just said he'd known for ages and he was cool with it.

I've had some animosity from a couple of people. Really conservative types who just need to grow up really. Had a bit of homophobia in halls from my flatm8s, who used to spray white paint on the bottom of my door so the fumes would go into my room and just generally make nasty comments constantly, aswell as a couple of people from home who i've known for about 10 yrs and been close to telling me i'm disgusting and that what i feel is wrong, but as i said, they're just conservative pricks who need to grow up. i always just take it on the chin and tell them to shut the **** up. My close friends are all completely fine with it and i regularly tell them about the goings on of the gay world. Havent come out to my family as they are very religious muslims and to say that they wouldnt take it well is a massive understatement but i'm very much of the frame of mind that its my life not theirs and i shouldnt have to come out to anyone i dont want to.

-hani
xxx

-- Edited by Hani at 20:47, 2006-03-24

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I think the sadest thing about a lot of LGBT people coming out is that we often, myself included, wait until there's almost nothing to worry about. I was, subconciously, so worried about my parents' reactions that I didn't tell them until I knew I would be able to be completely self-sufficient without them. It's a terrible thing really because, to your family it shows how little you trust them. If you have the ability to cut them out of your life, then what does that mean for their importance to you?
Anyone who's met my parents would think that I was nuts for being worried because they are Guardian-reading liberals who have loads of gay friends and my mom's best friend came out to her when she was 16. But the problem remains that your kids are your kids, not just a schoolmate. Your parents expect something of you that they don't expect of the wider community.
In a way though, it's one of the reasons why the LGBT movement has been so strong; we have to fight for our existence. We have to fight for our right to love, our right to be ourselves, and it only makes us better at being who we are. You have to have a sense of humor, an ability to see your own faults (because if you don't notice them first someone else will tell you) and iron will that can take you through many tough situations.

I think coming out is all about confidence, and whether it's false confidence by telling yourslf that you are confident, or real will power, it's a test of stength. Well done to everyone who's posted on this thread before. You're all amazing.

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Im in agreement my sister has this to say "Why do you feel its so difficult and soemthing you need to break to people theres nothing wrong with people being homosexual those who dont approve should get a reality check!!!"

Thanks to sara. I have informed her that its difficult because in some cases families dont understand and so people dont want to upset their home lives.

Perfect example my mate lived with me for a while His mum cried and his dad kicked him out saying they never wanted to see him again he stayed with me for a while he now lives down south with his boyfriend in cheltenham g-d bless them.

Also my friend Rob came from a very religious but loving family it took him till he was 19 to come out sadly he was killed in a car crash not long after. As a result his mum wasnt privy to a large part of his life this caused his family so much pain that we are currently setting up a charity to help gay kids and their families.

Its a counselling service help the parent realise its not the end of the world. we will even be working with societies like the GCP gay christian parents and JGSG gay jewish support group. thanks plus the stories on here will help so thanks to you all your all brave and beautifull people

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Hi, I want to add to my story. I have a bit of a dilemma about coming out to my Dad. I am supposed to be living with him after I graduate, until I get a job. I want to tell him but I'm really not sure how he'll take it, (going by how badly he took me failing my driving test, which he took quite badly, cos he has high expectations, it could be bad). My Mum says he knows gay people where he works but its probably different when its someone you're related to. I need him to be on my side cos I have no where else to live yet( no job sorted as yet either). I would just not tell him until I can work out how he'll react but I'm worried about it getting back to him another way. As I said before one of my so called friends out-ed me to a load of people I used to go to school with. I don't care what they think, they can **** off if they have a problem, but gossip spreads like wildfire in Carlisle and everyone knows nearly everyone else. I know he'd take it worse if some one else told him, so I don't know what to do, any suggestions?


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panic over!! my Mum had a word with my Dad, and its ok. I'm pretty sure it is anyway. My Dad has not said anything but it wont be a surprise if anyone tells him now. big relief

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I came out to my eldest brother today.
Funnily him and his wife were really fine, i however was a total mess! Really don't know why i was so worried, his very gay friend Brian was there most of the day!
Apparently most of my family have already been asking questions so i feel less worried about telling them now.
Wow, stressful day, so relieved i've got it over and done with though.
x


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Yey!
I was wondering how it had gone!



Jeni

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Ooo, didn't know this thread existed... interesting read indeed.

So, I've been pretty curious about being gay since sometime in Junior school, around year 5 I would guess but always said to myself "no, YOU can't be". Really, I don't know if anyone else thought it but it was always the thought that I couldn't be a lesbian, it doesn't happen to people in real life as such. I don't know. I don't think I even knew what a lesbian was in year 5 but there we go.

Anyways, right through secondary school and into 6th form I was telling myself the same thing, that I couldn't be gay, I was a tad homophobic (classic), I had boyfriends... went out with a guy for 10 months and didn't sleep with him (shock horror). In 6th form, I had a few more boyfriends and by that age they were wanting to have sex or whatever... got freaked out a little bit and it finally clicked "****, I must be gay". So over the summer I came out to friends, my sister, one of my cousins and they were cool with it. Some friends from secondary school said they weren't surprised when they actually thought about it. The only one person I had a problem with was my best mate, Christine, who was a Jehovah's witness, never mind.

After one year of 6th form I moved to college because I hated it. This was like a new step because I wasn't coming out to people as such, I was meeting people and they knew I was gay from the start. In December time I got my first girlfriend (Harriet) and those were good times.

Then, sometime in January my mum and step dad came across MSN chat logs... what a ****ing knob head. I, at the time, didn't know it saved them. So they rang me on my mobile whilst I was at Haz's and said they had found these chat logs so next day I went home and we talked about it. They were all like "as long as you know all the people you are talking to", concerned about talking to people I didn't know or something, I don't know and they left it there. I was like "what the ****?". So I asked about the content of the conversations and they just said that was my business. Confused as I was, I asked about the sexuality part and they both just said that it didn't matter, as long as I was happy.

Next day, mum was crying saying I had "chosen it". I just told her it wasn't exactly something I could help and we chatted about it. She's fine about it now. I think she hopes that it is just a phase and has always said that I never know what will happen, which I very much agree with. Though I never think I will be attracted to men, you never know what is going to happen. We don't really talk about it, she occasionally asks whether I have a girlfriend but that is it. My dad found out because he asked my mum... he'd obviously guessed but he is absolutely fine with it. My Grandma has also asked other relatives about it... the penny is finally dropping.

Man, that's real long.

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Wendy wrote:

Yey!
I was wondering how it had gone!



Jeni




ooo me tooo yey :D

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Am out 2 most of the regulars at work, mainly cos they all just assumed I wer str8 and have spent the last 3months asking if i had a fella. Lol s'pose its one of them things that gets easier 2 do the more you do it. Just told them all really bluntly & I'm pretty suprised cos most of the regulars are a bunch of narrow minded old gits, but they've been really open minded about it (& given me tips!!!)

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EmmaMase wrote:

Though I never think I will be attracted to men, you never know what is going to happen.



Indeed. You never know who you'll meet or how you'll feel.

Congrats to those guys who have recently come out. I'm glad things were alright.

It's weird how people's attitude changes when I tell them I like both women and men now. Before I started going out with my boyfriend, people assumed I was really a lesbian but hadn't made my mind up! Now I'm in a relationship with a man, people seem to think I'm a bit of a slapper. Meh.

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Big Gay Al

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I think coming out to yourself is definately the most important thing. Although I've been conscious of being gay since well... before I even linked the feelings to the word, I've only recently accepted it and addressed how it might effect my life choices.

I told my Mum when I was 16. I didn't want to but I'd been pretty withdrawn all year and she was worried and demanded to have it out there and then. I was pretty taken aback. After about ten minutes hysterical sobbing (with brandy administered halfway through) I managed to stammer out "I think I might be gay". I honestly thought my world was caving in. Mum stared at me in disbelief and couldn't see why I was in such a state about it. To be fair, since I left school I've never had any worries about telling people, the sort of people I choose as my friends wouldn't bat an eyelid.

It's me that has the issues, really. I went to a strongly C of E boys school and - laugh all you will - I struggle to divorce homosexuality with failure and damnation. Now, to speak to I'm very much a foppish-pussy-cat-sort-of-a-person but a close friend once remarked that I disguise alot of anger, which floored me at the time but makes alot of sense now. I always feel ashamed if I act too camp and am always suspicious of boys that come on to me - assuming they must somehow represent a wayward stereotype and I've only just stopped using girlfriends to make myself feel "normal".

LGBT is great because you see such a variety of interesting, ordinary people who's personalities extend beyond thier sexuality. Well. You do most of the time.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that being accepted by other people is never as important as accepting yourself. The most pernicious homophobia comes, I think, from gay people themselves. "The other within" if you will...yeah.



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My highschool was EXTREMELY gossipy. And I ****ing HATED the Japanese community there. The Japanese community there was ****ing pathetic to the point that parents will get involved with kids' dealing. So I had to hide the fact that I was gay, or it will spread like widefire and probably affect my parents as well. Well, cuz I'm girly I'm quite sure almost no one would be surprised if they learn that I was gay, and I'm quite sure many ppl in my school had an inkling. But one thing is assuming, and another thing is knowing and gossipying about it.

So anyway, through out school, I hid about it, I had 0 friends, and I hated my teachers.

Then I came to uni., and I was completely open. So yeah, I lack what ppl call the "coming out" story.

As for my work mates. I honestly don't understand why ppl around me get so shocked when they learn I'm gay. I used to have another gay co-worker (he was really camp), and when one of the girls learned that I'm gay, she stated: "oh my god! There are two gays in my workplace! What would my parents say!?" I thought that was hilarious.

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I agree internalised homophobic is the biggest form of homophobia that can be found. I know many people have it because they can't accept themselves for what they are. It's most definitly a case of getting comfortable withyourself before anyone else.

I recently had a conversation about being gay when am older ( uni is a closed bubble although theres a world after it ) It made me think lots about people's perception of the queer community.

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This thread has become really interesting; quite thoughtful. And yes, as Alice said, congratulations and well done to all you ladies (mostly) who've just come out. It's hard.

Anyway, I've come a cross a random but very very good website by a guy who's at a Christian University in America, where he posts videos of himself talking (kind of like a podcast), about the clashes between being gay and being religious. I agree with Gemma (it is spelt with a G right?), saying that internalised homophobia is the worst. You have to get over hating yourself before you can expect other people to love you for who you are.

Anyway, he's called Drew and his website is at rewfio.com.

just a thought.

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Guru of the Gay

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Yer its with a G ! x


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Lord of the Rings

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tis true bout the worst homophobia been from gay ppl. I was pretty much evil b4 i accepted fact i wer gay.

Been out in the real world aint 2 hard... I've done it since I wer 14, but it is weird when ur not in the bubble of uni n the lgbt.

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agrred, nic...from my experience, as soon as i´m away from uni and the LGBT, all of my queer mates, it becomes quite difficult, and i go back to being slightly on the defensive. it´s not easy to integrate into a gay social setting abroad from my experience, and after over 9 months here in germany, i´m only just now working up the courage to go to all the gay bars and cafes...which is silly because my mates live right smack in the middle of the extremely large gay quarter!!

in effect, this makes me feel like i´m coming out all over again; being cut off from the scene, having few or no queer mates, only going to straight clubs because my friends won´t come with me to gay clubs...it´s all just a bit odd, but i´m slowly getting to grips with it.

sash
xxx

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Big Gay Al

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Definately. I'm wary of a social environments constructed purely on the grounds of sexuality, but gays need the village.

It's really important not to be the only gay person you know. And, from a purely mercenary point of view, how can you come on to people if you don't even know they're gay?

I often wonder if that's realy why I'm going to London. So many of the gays collect there. Last time I was in Soho, there was a gay wine bar full of attractive men in suits. I was giddy with joy.

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Lord of the Rings

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chemicalfears wrote:

in effect, this makes me feel like i´m coming out all over again; being cut off from the scene, having few or no queer mates, only going to straight clubs because my friends won´t come with me to gay clubs...it´s all just a bit odd, but i´m slowly getting to grips with it.

sash
xxx




When u get back here get ur arse 2 the frottage cottage... we'll take u out on the crappy leeds gay scene, or alternatively come 2 chezzy on 29th june 4 my sisters 18th, my mums told me 2 bring mates (cos as lovely as my sisters mates are, they drive me round bend)... so the aim is 2 gay up breeder night (every1's pretty relaxed about it all there)

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