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Post Info TOPIC: Chairing
AlbyFC


You best sima!

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Chairing
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There goes another one of my random poems!


Chairing

Room full of uneven books,
of smirking socks and bells,
smelling of tamed beauty
and unrequited love ---

your room is the pathway
to this freckled stormy earth.
Planes fly over your head with
a promise and a blinking roar.

'Welcome to the UK' and a
sigh, and then back
to the paragraph, the line,
the conspicuous letter,

your muffled sob.


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'I've discovered the secret of life. A lot of hard work, a lot of sense of humor, a lot of joy and a whole lot of tra la la.' Kay Thompson
falafel


Gay Lord

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Hmm. 'Tis an enigma.


Bravo.

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AlbyFC


You best sima!

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Er... thanks?

Thanks, honestly!

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'I've discovered the secret of life. A lot of hard work, a lot of sense of humor, a lot of joy and a whole lot of tra la la.' Kay Thompson
thaidave


Not Thai Dave

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Hey Alby, lovely poem but i think stronger without the last line?
It kinda reminded me of poems i've read before after i read that line... i liked it better without it!
Dave x

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Lesbos or bust.... can we go all the way?
MrDarcy


Dame Poofy

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Indolence feeds this mans glumb,
dumb look,book free,handlings, a
mobile, inability to smile,
runs from his fettered brows
and his many chins, clean shaven
with fear of the rat race.

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AlbyFC


You best sima!

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You're ruthless, Darcy! Brilliant, but ruthtless!!

Thanks, Dave. I know what you mean. However, it's the sob I was most interested in, so that's why I put it at the end. I do think it's a bit of an anticlimax and an unexpected turn... and it wouldn't be me without it. Thanks for the criticism, though.

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'I've discovered the secret of life. A lot of hard work, a lot of sense of humor, a lot of joy and a whole lot of tra la la.' Kay Thompson
MrDarcy


Dame Poofy

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Ruthless?
why so?

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AlbyFC


You best sima!

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In the description of that poor man!

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'I've discovered the secret of life. A lot of hard work, a lot of sense of humor, a lot of joy and a whole lot of tra la la.' Kay Thompson
MrDarcy


Dame Poofy

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Do you tink it is any good?

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AlbyFC


You best sima!

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Yeah, I like it! Not sure how conscious you are of punctuation, though. But it's a strong short poem.

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'I've discovered the secret of life. A lot of hard work, a lot of sense of humor, a lot of joy and a whole lot of tra la la.' Kay Thompson
MrDarcy


Dame Poofy

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Punctuation, is/ subconcious-
think? of (emily) dickenson-

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AlbyFC


You best sima!

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Punctuation is VERY conscious. Think of e e cummings. :o)

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'I've discovered the secret of life. A lot of hard work, a lot of sense of humor, a lot of joy and a whole lot of tra la la.' Kay Thompson
falafel


Gay Lord

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Dickinson

With a couple of spaces in there that could be something very dodgy indeed...

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AlbyFC


You best sima!

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AND only you could think of such a thing! UUUUUGH!

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'I've discovered the secret of life. A lot of hard work, a lot of sense of humor, a lot of joy and a whole lot of tra la la.' Kay Thompson
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