Dear All, I'm in a bit of a fix, so I thought I'd ask you chaps for your advice. Admittedly, I'm in no position to ask, but I'd appeal from the base of my heart to a society I did, (and still do) feel a great warmth towards. I would greatly appreciate the advice from members who I don't know, (but would like to), and those I do, and haven't seen for some time. Essentially, I need help over my love life...
Some of you will know that I have known a man called Shane for some time, my ex boyfriend. We've had our ups and downs over the last three years certainly. He's stolen from me, insulted and abused me. He has treated me awfully, but in my own heart... I still desperately love him. He's the only man that I have ever loved, and think that I ever will love.
We had got back together for a few months, essentially just talking over the phone, but I had thought that we had turned the corner. Then he missed my birthday...for the fourth time. We had a row over the phone, and broke up. He then sent me a really self-pitying email, saying I'd be much better off without him essentially. We talked on the phone, and agreed that he'd come over on the monday. After an awkward night of some weird phone calls, he came over on the Sunday. He promised me that he wouldn't try and pull when we went to the Base. This promise lasted...five minutes.
After attempting suicide a few hours later, stopped only by wonderful housemates, I'm no closer to sanity. What do I do? Am I in the wrong? I don't want him in my life the way he is at the moment, but I can't live without him. In my mind, I know I'm better without him, but in my heart, I still love him.
I'm not expecting any replies, but if you've read this, thank you for humouring me! If anyone does have any advice, I would appreciate it. If I'm in the wrong, please tell me, I just don't know what to do...
P.S. NOTE TO THE COMMITTEE. I haven't commented on the issues over the curious 'thang' etc, but, the way I see it, you've all enrolled on the committee to help with LGBT issues at Leeds University. And lets face it, from what I understand, you're all great people. I hope that any difference is resolved, because in time, I think that some of you especially could do a lot for LGBT people at large. Good luck for the future folks!
Steven. xxx
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CRAP? WHAT D'YA MEAN IT'S CRAP? THERES EIGHT BODIES AT THE END AND HE GETS TO SHAG HIS MUM!!
I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this, yet again. My advice would be, wait for him to contact you and then tell him it's over. I never do this... I've never liked taking decisions for people. Love lives, especially, are tricky things, and nobody but the two people in a relationship can assess the good parts and the bad parts in their relationship, because love can make up for so many things. That said, you've told me several times about this boyfriend of yours... and about how much he's hurt you, and your post proves that he's doing you more harm than good.
It's all about self-preservation, hun. You, your sanity, your health, and your heart come first. If he's only giving you trouble, you'd better ditch him.
The human heart is a mystery, as well, and although today you think you could never live without him, I think there isn't just one person for you in the whole world. Otherwise, we'd probably spend all our lives looking for him/her!
So, learn to care more about yourself than you do at the moment. That's my advice, however little.
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'I've discovered the secret of life. A lot of hard work, a lot of sense of humor, a lot of joy and a whole lot of tra la la.' Kay Thompson
If this man makes you feel so bad that you were driven to attempt suicide, then clearly you're better off without him. Now, I don't really know you, but just from reading this post it sounds that the bad aspects far, far outweigh the good.
Seriously, I had an ex that treated me appallingly too, and after things ended with her I thought I'd never love anyone the way I loved her again. That wasn't true, as I'm now with someone who treats me with so much more respect and makes me feel better about myself, too.
Thanks for the comments, I'm afraid I don't know what I'm going to do, I've not heard from him yet, so I suppose that I won't know until it happens. I don't pretend that I'm the first person in the world that's ever had to deal with this problem, but it's the first time it's happened to me. We've had rows before, but he's never done what he did last Sunday before, and that's what's upset me the most. Hopefully I'll get it sorted out, I've got a pretty good set of friends and family around me supporting me, (all of whom favour never being in contact with him again). But it aint easy. [Incidentally Alberto, in a relationship, the only people who ever know truly whats going on are the people involved - that's certainly true. But sometimes it does help for people to rationalise the situation, as frequently we're not in a position to do it for ourselves. Thanks for the advice - you're a sweet guy!] [Also, thanks to Alice, I've not met you, maybe that will change at some point, I don't know - but thanks for sharing your perspective, it's good to know that these things happen to other people, who can find greater love through them].
Thanks again, Steven. xxx
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CRAP? WHAT D'YA MEAN IT'S CRAP? THERES EIGHT BODIES AT THE END AND HE GETS TO SHAG HIS MUM!!
As harsh as this sounds, in all honesty Steven, as much as u love him this guy sounds like a rite twat & u'd b better off without. I know it sounds harsh but if he's affectin u that much that he's driven u to attempt suicide, u need time and space away from him, such as no phonecalls etc, even though its hard, distance can be a good thing cos u get time to focus on urself (every1 needs sumtime to pick themselves up and relax) and having fun with mates.
The less time in contact with him and the more you occupy urself doing something else, the less u'll think about him and eventually get over your feelings for him. Just take time to chill and sort yourself out, it'll do ya a world of good.
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Nic - Union Council LGBT Assembly Chair
Contact me at - lgbt.assembly@leeds.ac.uk / nicturner_85@hotmail.com
